Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
