So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like death gave me a hand job
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
