... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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