I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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