While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
