Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
