yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
