Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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