Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
