i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
