I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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