but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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