i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
