Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize