Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
