There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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