You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
