u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
home. puking in laundry basket.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
