I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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