He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
