we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
