Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
