Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
