My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
