It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
