I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
