what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
