i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
