so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
no, he came in my armpit
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
