Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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