Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
