theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
