Plan B is the new Plan A
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
