birth control should be required to get into college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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