I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Barsexuality is the new black.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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