so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
