Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
