I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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