He disabled his match.com account in front of me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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