ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
