I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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