the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
