"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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