forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
