Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
