go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
