I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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