Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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