Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
