can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
