And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there is puke in my bra ... again
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