It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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