I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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