i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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