So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
