Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
