i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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