I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
