best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize