Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize