im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
