First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
