i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
