we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
