Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
