i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
