Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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