My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
