maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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