We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
