Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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