Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
