Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
