I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize