i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
