but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
