I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
