I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
