We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
