Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
