I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
