Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
