Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize