Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
