let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
