dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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