I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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