there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
