My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
