apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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