My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
