Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
