some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
