I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
