Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
