Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
