She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize