What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
