I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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