Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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