Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
