Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
