Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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