I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
