things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
