Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
